Bill Maher Quotes

American Comedienne
Political Activist Tyranny

"Religion, you know, I think is very bad."

"I think religion is a neurological disorder."

"I think that religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies."

"I don't respect religon. I don't respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is."

"If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too."

"The Republicans should run on that. "America: You're 230 But We'll Still F@#k You." Especially if you're a dude."

“Yes, I think so. I mean, I think, Iraqis, I think, feel that if we drove smaller cars, maybe we wouldn’t have to kill them for their oil.”

"They believe in religion, which as – I think it was Jesse Ventura who had that quote about religion is a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers."

"When you were a kid and they were telling you whatever you believe in religion, do you think if they had switched the fairy tales that they read to you in bed with the Bible, you would know the difference?"

"We have been the cowards, lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, that's not cowardly. Stupid maybe, but not cowardly."

"When people say to me, 'You hate America,' I don't hate America. I love America. I am just embarrassed that it has been taken over by people like evangelicals, by people who do not believe in science and rationality."

"I don't think John Kerry is a tremendous flip-flopper. I think things changed so he changed. George Bush famously said he doesn't do that. He doesn't do nuance. This would be a terribly engaging quality if it didn't threaten the world."

"One, we tell ourselves that terrorism is unique. It's not only not unique, it's something the United States itself has practiced. During World War II in 1945, we bombed not just Hiroshima and Nagasaki, before we even bombed them, we destroyed 67 Japanese cities."

"Do you think if it was the fairy tale about a man who lived inside of a whale and it was religion that Jack built a beanstalk today, you would know the difference? Why do you believe in one fairy tale and not the other? Just because adults told you it was true and they scared you into believing it, at pain of death, at pain of burning in hell."

"When people say to me, 'You hate America,' I don't hate America. I love America. I am just embarrassed that it has been taken over by people like evangelicals, by people who do not believe in science and rationality. It is the 21st century. And I will tell you, my friend. The future does not belong to the evangelicals. The future does not belong to religion."

"What I have against religion is that they start you when you are so defenseless. I mean, I was three when they started pumping this bullshit into my head. I believed in Santa Claus and the Fairy Godmother, of course I believed in a virgin birth, and a guy lived in a whale, and a woman came from a rib. But then something happened that made me doubt all of it: I graduated sixth grade!"

"When you're attacking civilians, that's what we have said is terrorism. That's what we have said is beyond the pale. We have done it ourselves. Sherman's march to the sea was all about killing civilians. The Ku Klux Klan is a home-grown terror organization that the federal government countenanced for 100 years as a sort of paramilitary to the police departments in Southern states."

"I think that religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies. I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder. If you look at it logically, it's something that was drilled into your head when you were a small child. It certainly was drilled into mine at that age. And you really can't be responsible when you are a kid for what adults put into your head."

"The other lie is that the terrorists were in Iraq, and because terrorists are not like any other people we've ever fought, they don't deserve the Geneva Convention. So there you have people gathering prisoners in Iraq. OK, so they told us terrorism is in Iraq. Iraq is a war on terrorism, and terrorists don't deserve the Geneva Convention because it's a completely unique way of fighting. Well, that's ridiculous."

"And see, again, I have to say this is the difference between conservatives and liberals. I can't see liberals rioting if Lee Greenwood dedicated a song to Sean Hannity. I just think they would have went oh, that's nothing and they would have moved on with their life. It wouldn't have been a cause celebre. To throw this woman out of the hotel without even letting her go up to the room and pack her stuff? It's astounding."

"Religion, you know, I think is very bad. And it's extremely dangerous at this point in time. I read a statistic, I think 61 percent of the people in this country say religion solves some or all -- most or all of our problems. OK, religion solves nothing. OK, religion doesn't solve it. You know, it's like a hot bath does not solve a cold apartment. It may salve for awhile, but it doesn't solve it. It actually makes more problems because faith is a way to make a virtue of things that make absolutely no sense."

"Republicans say that sex is bad, because with them it always is. I'm sorry, but they're just doughy, asexual, wonky, white people, and if you had to have sex with them it would be over in an excruciating three minutes. It's just, --and from the headlines of the past year I gather the only sex they're really good at, is gay sex. Really. Jeff Gannon in the White House press room, Representative Mark Foley, the Reverend Ted Haggert. I mean, that's an awful lot of gay when you're running against it in every election."

"John Kerry who, you know, is a legitimate war hero. Somehow it became, you know, John Kerry threw his medals away. Is John Kerry a coward because he had the nerve to come back from Vietnam alive? They're able to make the argument look like it's on a level playing field when it's not. John Kerry was the guy whose Swift boat was on the Mekong Delta and he had literally charged the shore and killed the guy in the spider hole. George Bush is the guy who when the aide says, sir, the country is under attack, sits there for seven minutes, frozen. He choked. That's what's called choking in sports. When you can't move"

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